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I’m really struggling with something. Where do you go when you have some really incredible moments with God to not having them any more? I guess I should give a brief background of what I’m talking about. 

On August 8th of this year I decided to fast food for 40 days. I drank water and when I felt weak I had juices. During this time of fasting I really enjoyed the closeness that I felt with God. I felt like I grabbed onto another part of His heart for me and for others. The fast was to minister to God. In the old testament the priests would minister to God and do nothing for themselves. Their entire purpose in the temple was to serve God. That was my heart in all this. I didn’t ask God for things, but rather I came to Him with thanksgiving and adoration. It was a very hard thing for me not to ask God for things simply because I am so used to going to God and saying, “Please give me this or that…Oh yeah and thanks for being good…Amen” I mean I had a prayer life beyond that, but the bulk of my prayers were directed at my needs etc. Anyway, this fast was just for Him and not for me.

Well about 38 days into it I decided to fast water as well. So for 2 days I fasted food and water. I locked myself in a room for 3 1/2 days with nothing but my bible, journal, guitar (which I don’t know how to play) and a bed. For two of those days I had no water, which I do not recommend! I thought I was going to die, but that’s not the point of all this. Anyway, I ended up adding 5 days to the fast turning it into a 45 day fast with 2 of those days being no water as well.

During that time in that room God met me. I mean it wasn’t super spiritual or anything like that, but I felt like I touched God’s heart. I felt like He appreciated what I was doing. I felt like He was proud that I went that long without food just because I loved Him and wanted to serve Him. This encouraged me tremendously, and I have not been the same since. From the time I broke the fast and every day after I have hated eating. Don’t get me wrong food tastes so good, but I miss the connection I had with God. I miss feeling like I was able to have incredible intimacy with Him unlike anything I had ever had. 

So I ask again, “Where do I go from here?” I can’t very well fast right now because my body is still sorta shocked from not eating for 45 days. I will continue to seek Him, but I miss the solitude. I miss the closure that everyday seemed to give me. I definately miss having something deliberate to give God. There was nothing left that I had to give Him when I was fasting. I had no food, no water, no essentials at all. I feel so disconnected. I’m not depressed, but I am at a loss for where to go from here. I know that God always has plans to move us up, up and away with Him, but I’m having trouble seeing where “up” is.

Dustin

I know I don’t have a ton of readers right now, but I was curious, for those of you who read, if you could share any stories about God’s goodness to you. I’m just really looking to see how God shows others His love. 
God’s goodness is so incredible and I am always impressed by His love. So come on share your stories!

A story from me….

My wife and I recently had a lot of damage with our house hold goods delivery from Hawaii. We lost about $3000.00 worth of our stuff, but the moving company hasn’t paid us, and it seems like they aren’t going to. So about three weeks ago my wife and I decided to go the the thrift store to just look around. As soon as we walked in we saw a couch that was perfect. It was quite unique and perfect for my wife, which is a miracle! heh, sorry Whitney. So we buy it really quickly for the price of $100. Then we walked around the store and low and behold two chairs that were part of the set with the couch. Anyway, we ended up getting three peices for about $120. We get home and about a week later find out that the couch and chairs are worth well over $2000.00!!! It is so like God to do something like this. If anyone wants I can post pics, so let me know.

So what is your story? How has God been good to you?
Dustin!

So, I was driving to work yesterday morning, and since Whitney has the ipods I was listening to Christian radio. Well I guess every now and then the station allows real quick super mini sermons, and I heard a sad one. It wasn’t meant to be sad, but rather happy, encouraging and full of hope. I don’t know if I am just crazy, but it made me sad, and here is why….

The mini sermon said something to the effect of, “Love is a partnership. It is working with someone in a common goal together. Love is reciprocal. It is returned when we love as we give…” It went on with the same ramblings, but I don’t think I could disagree more. Don’t get me wrong love is a partnership, but it isn’t with anyone, but God and the individual. If what the preacher says is true, that true love is reciprocated, then what happens when it isn’t? I mean what about Jesus? His love isn’t always reciprocated, but rather rejected. Is that not true love?

I know, I know, you are probably saying, “Your making this a bigger issue than it is.” and if I am then I am sorry, but I don’t think I am.  In my opinion, and I think the bible is pretty clear about this, I believe that true love is given without expecting it to be reciprocated. I believe that TRUE, Genuine love has nothing to do with receiving at all. There is something so beautiful about loving someone even when they don’t love you. I mean how do you love when that love you give isn’t returned? How do you get beyond the pain?

This is not a quick blog answer, so I may spread it out, but to summarize it you just have to LOVE. I know that doesn’t help much, but it does. Let’s start here…Why do we love God? The bible says that we love Him because He first loved us. So when we can receive love from God then it allows us to love God and people. We can love out of choice, so even more than that we must choose to love people even when it isn’t returned. I have to admit that loving people like that is extremely hard, but if you can do it you will really find love. You will begin to see God’s love for you and you will see love for yourself. 

The point of breaking comes when we act contrary to our feelings. “Love your enemies” as the Bible says isn’t just a quaint saying, but an incredible revelation. If you want to experience freedom from bitterness, frustration, angst, and all kinds of anger you need to love them. That is the only way to be free in life and love. If we can get beyond our feelings even for a short time we will see the major payoff.  But what do I know. I could just be reading into it.  

I’m so hungry…for God. One of the biggest lessons I have learned so far during this 40 day food fast has been how to be hungry for God. I have learned that if I can be this hungry for food then I NEED to be even more hungry for God. I have always been really good about keeping God in everything that I do, but I am loving this time with Him. I love that in everything I do I take Him along and ask Him loads of questions. I spend time loving on Him and receiving love from Him. I have had to learn how to receive love from Him even though I don’t “feel” it. 

What I have discovered about God’s love is that it is ever present. I know that isn’t anything new, but I have seen His love in a deeper way. I have seen Him be faithful in times where I have been unfaithful. I have seen His love for people when they are acting completely against Him. I have seen His passion for the lost and I have loved to see them grow and find Him. His love for us is so consistent and constant. He loves us beyond measure. He loves us greater than we can ever fathom. I love the idea that God’s love in inexplorable. It cannot be explored enough. I love that I have all my life and eternity to find out how and why God loves me so much. 

Thank you for your love Father,

Dustin

It is day 13 of my fast and I have been lousy at documenting this, but there really hasn’t been anything for me to write about. It is typically the same every day- hunger, tiredness, seclusion etc. Although my hunger has been diminishing over the past few days I am just choosing to ignore it. At this point I really don’t care if I am hungry I just want God to be my hunger. I can’t seem to get Jesus’ words out of my head, “Man cannot live on bread alone, but by every word of God.” Luke 4:4  I have a peace when I realize that this isn’t about me wanting to eat, but a deciding factor to live on each of God’s words.

So, then I began a quest today. What is every word of God? Sure it’s referring to scripture, but it’s also referring to the spoken word of God into us. I can only tell you that every day is different and every minute can change. BUT one thing remains the same the love. The one word that will never change in the heart of God that we must learn to live off of is love. His love beats for us as steady and consistent as our hearts. Every pump of our heart flows life into our mortal bodies, but every pump of God’s heart flows an eternal love that we can have now. This eternal love never fails. This love casts out fear, confusion, anxiety and impatience. So the word that I am feeding on today is love. I will eat up the love of God by acknowledging his goodness, faithfulness, and compassion today. God is love.

God, let your love pour down and shine down on us this day and every other. May we learn how to receive your goodness and joy at this present moment.
Amen

Dustin

This was where my splinter sat. 

Whitney and I helped build my mom a craft room. We converted my old bedroom into a large craft room with lots of shelves. As I was cutting the shelves I got a huge splinter that was the size of a log. Ok, so it was only 1/2 inch. Most of it was sticking out so I pulled it out, but the part that wasn’t remained in my hand for 3 days. As I spent today digging through my hand to pull the rest of it out I thought about our christian lives.

We often have things in our lives like this splinter. The size of our problem doesn’t have to be huge to really bother us. This splinter really bugged me even though it was so tiny. I couldn’t close my hand without it really irritating me, and sin, pride or arrogance can easily do the same thing. Many times in our lives we let a splinter cause us pain and suffering because we don’t allow true healing into our lives. We can’t get relieved of pain until we get help from God, or in my case a good set of tweezers. Even though it hurt when I dug into my skin to remove the remaining pieces of wood my hand doesn’t hurt when I close it. I can grab things and hammer nails or whatever with it because I removed the splinter.

When we allow God into the painful areas of our lives we can experience freedom like He originally intended. God’s heart for us is to be pain free because we know He can heal us. I have to learn that when I get another splinter to immediately pull out the tweezers and start digging. I believe that God is always willing to reach out and remove the painful things in our lives, BUT we must humble ourselves and let Him.

Till next time.

Dustin